parents, do you think before you post?
My entire childhood is documented in the space of three
photo albums. Among them are two photos that stand out in my memory: one, infant-me
having my diaper changed from a rather compromising camera angle; the other,
two-year-old me seated triumphantly on a potty chair. I remember them because
my parents teased that they would show them to any prospective suitors. Even
though I knew they were joking, the possibility that those pictures would ever be
viewed outside our family horrified me as an adolescent. The written record of
my childhood is fairly small, too – a baby book with notes about my weight gain
and first words, a collection of birthday cards and letters from family. I
think how different this is from the record many parents are making of their
children’s early years now.
The internet and social media open up new possibilities for
us to record and share the lives of our families on a much broader scale than
ever before. Because of this, parents of very young children must think of
themselves differently than in the past. Photos like the ones my parents
lightheartedly joked about revealing are now revealed routinely to our virtual
communities. The off-the-cuff comment my mother may have made to her neighbor
about my two-year-old sassiness is now made by parents to hundreds (and
sometimes thousands) of virtual relationships. I wonder how many parents
realize that they are the custodians
of their children’s virtual identity until they are old enough to manage it on
their own?
thinking ahead
Most discussions of children and online protocol center on
privacy settings and password safety for school-age children, but my concern starts
earlier than that: are we parents protecting and preserving the future privacy wishes and best interests
of our small children in our own
online posting choices?
Every day parents use social media and the blogosphere to offer
up photos and posts chronicling all manner of child misbehavior, parental
frustrations, and mishaps involving bodily fluids. I think these posts are made
by well-meaning parents, unaware that they are creating an online identity for
their children. But with every post, we construct a digital history of our child’s
life – a virtual scrapbook for public viewing - and I wonder if we might want
to think harder about the trail we are leaving behind. Do our comments and
photos preserve our child’s dignity or gratify our own adult sense of comedy?
Do we post our thoughts to satisfy a need to vent? Do we miss the truth that
our families need our discretion far more than our blog followers need our authenticity?
There is a reason we don’t vent about or post potentially
embarrassing pictures of our spouse or our mother-in-law: the very real
possibility that they will see what we have posted. No such danger exists with
a young child…or does it? Cyberspace feels fleeting and forgiving, but it is
neither. Consider that your toddler will likely one day see the online identity
you have created for them. And so may their middle school peers, their prom
date, their college admissions board, and their future employers. But far more
important than what the outside world will think of this digital trail is what
your child will think of it.
imagine them older
Parents, before you post about your small child, imagine a
thirteen-year-old version of them reading over your shoulder. Your child bears
the image of God just as you do. Does what you have to communicate honor them
as an equal image-bearer? Does it provide short-term gratification for you or
honor long-term relationship with them? Does it potentially expose them to
ridicule or label them? Does it record a negative sentiment that an adult would
recognize as fleeting but an adolescent might not?
I am sure my mother had days when she wanted to give
toddler-me to gypsies, but no permanent record of these moments existed for adolescent-me
to find. A few of those stories do survive in oral form, but they are retold
with laughter, face-to-face, where tone and facial expression give them
context. If my mother vented to my dad that I was sneaky or sassy, I never saw
or heard those labels. And that’s a good thing, because, though parents
experience moments (or seasons) of deep frustration toward our children, we
would never want them to think that our love for them was ever in question.
In school my children were taught a memory tool to help them
make wise choices when speaking, writing or posting:
As stewards of their stories, we parents need that memory tool as well. Maintaining trust in the parent-child relationship should outweigh any other motive for posting. Think before you post. By all means, have a safe and appropriate place to vent and “be real” about parenting – just recognize that place is probably not the internet. Let everything you share with those outside your home strengthen the bond of trust you have within it. Tell your story without compromising theirs. Execute well the custodial duty of managing your child’s online identity until its precious owner is ready to assume the job.
T-H-I-N-K: Is what I have to say True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary or Kind?
As stewards of their stories, we parents need that memory tool as well. Maintaining trust in the parent-child relationship should outweigh any other motive for posting. Think before you post. By all means, have a safe and appropriate place to vent and “be real” about parenting – just recognize that place is probably not the internet. Let everything you share with those outside your home strengthen the bond of trust you have within it. Tell your story without compromising theirs. Execute well the custodial duty of managing your child’s online identity until its precious owner is ready to assume the job.
“…whatever is true,
whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely,
whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything
worthy of praise, think about these things.” - Philippians 4:8